Fri, Nov 16, 2012
“We deeply regret the necessity of today’s decision, but we do not have the financial resources to weather an extended nationwide strike,” Gregory F. Rayburn, Hostess chief executive officer, said today in a company press release. “Hostess Brands will move promptly to lay off most of its 18,500-member workforce and focus on selling its assets to the highest bidders.”
A shocking statement — especially if you grew up on Yodels, Ring Dings and Devil Dogs like this Long Islander did. I can’t imagine life without Yodels. (I really can’t.) But what I truly can’t imagine more is life without a job — especially around Thanksgiving and Christmas, and my heart goes out to the families of the 18,500 newly unemployed.
After reading the Hostess press release, however, I began to wonder who will be among the “highest bidders” for Hostess’s prized assets? Who will save Hostess Twinkies, Devils Dogs and Ding Dongs? Could it be…? Could it be Mitt Romney?
Could Mitt Romney save Hostess?
Like him or not, if you have ever shopped at a Staples and/or Sports Authority, you have Mitt Romney and his Bain Capital buddies to thank. And now that Mr. Romney is not running — well anything, maybe he can shift his energy towards an endeavor greater than saving the nation from the “looming fiscal cliff” … and rescue my favorite Drakes Cakes from extinction.
Sure President Obama may have saved the auto-industry, but bring back Ho Ho’s, Sno-Balls and Wonder Bread and Virginia, Minnesota & Michigan become easy wins in the next presidential election. Wanna win big in Ohio, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin in 2016? Save Hostess and butter statues of Mr. Romney would be erected from across the American Plains.
Let’s face it. State Fairs without “Deep Fried Twinkies” are simply … un-American!
We need someone dedicated to making America American again — and give us back our preservative-filled, plastic-wrapped cupcakes. We need Mitt Romney!
Mr. Romney, we’re sorry for not electing you as President. But maybe the old adage is true: When a door closes, God opens a window. Here’s your chance to serve the greater good.
Mr. Romney, more than ever, our nation needs you.
Mitt Romney, please save Hostess!